We have once pointed out the importance of developing healthy relationships and avoiding relationships with toxic or destructive components.
But what do we mean by healthy relationships? What are those relationships like and how are they built? Today we are going to try to answer those questions.
Building Healthy Couple Relationships
Healthy couple relationships are built on a series of pillars. Communication is the first and most important of them.
If we maintain sincere, constructive, and non-defensive communication with our partner, we will be able to talk about the problems that may arise and try to solve them, preventing either of them from feeling attacked or hurt, to overcome any crisis in the best possible way. that we face Other keys are as follows:
Talk about problems directly
When something bothers us or upsets us, it is best to communicate it to our partner clearly and concretely, without attacking, simply letting him know that it bothers us. Many couples do not do it, they do not talk to the other about what bothers them, they hide it or try to let him know with hints or defensive behaviors. In other cases, they simply wait for the other to find out for themselves and when they see that they don’t get it, they get even more upset.
When we adopt these attitudes hoping that somehow our partner guesses what bothers us, we manage to feed the discomfort even more because neither of us can guess at all times what the other’s needs are, no matter how much we hide behind the fact that if he knows us he should know.
Taking the “bull by the horns” is the best solution. If something bothers us we have to talk about it, without blaming or attacking ourselves. The goal is to build, not destroy.
Commitment and agreement, are the basis of healthy relationships
In any relationship, of whatever kind, we are going to encounter disagreements or different ways of seeing things, as well as each one’s own needs. It is important that, in the face of conflicts, we try to reach reasonable agreements in which each of the parties contributes to solving its share of responsibility for the problem.
To overcome disagreements and crises we must work as a team with our partners. Remember that relationships are a matter of two and neither party can bear the weight of responsibility.
As we pointed out above, in a couple, each of the members will have their own opinions and needs and both must be respected by the other.
No matter how much trust and complicity there is in the couple, they are two different individuals with different circumstances and desires. It should be clear that you do not have to share all these wishes and ideas, but you must respect the individuality of the other, without invading or questioning it or trying to make it similar to your own.
Support and healthy relationships
Our partner, over time, will become one of the most important figures in our lives and we will share more and more time and more intimacy with them.
Giving and receiving comfort, encouragement, and encouragement in the couple is essential for establishing a relationship of trust. Both members of the couple should know that they have unconditional support in the other, which they can count on in moments of the celebration but also when they hit rock bottom.
For this, it will be necessary for the two parties to share their feelings and emotions, open their hearts, and forget the resistance to being vulnerable. When there are resistances or shields, we cannot access the other person or let them access us, and this prevents the establishment of an adequate and real level of intimacy, with the conflicts that this entails.
If there are barriers there may be fear of commitment. You can read: Overcoming the fear of commitment.
Marking a series of limits in the relationship, although it seems contradictory, makes us feel healthier and safer. We refer to limits established jointly, limits in which both parties agree and that are not created because there is mistrust or to “trap” the other.
The limits are set based on what each one considers will make them feel comfortable, like, and make them feel good. We must remember that they are limits, not prohibitions, that they are established in a consensual or agreed way, and that, if we do not find that consensus, we must rethink what each one expects from the relationship and if the relationship with that person is going to provide us with the comfort and security what do we need.
Limits must not restrict our ability to:
- See and meet other people without our partner accompanying us. We all have a life “before the other” and that life is ours. Our partner is invited to share part of that life with us but in no case to force us to abandon it or not allow us to enjoy it, with or without their company.
- Leisure activities or hobbies. Very similar to the previous point. Our hobbies or leisure activities are part of us, on many occasions they can be moments of intimate connection with ourselves, our time to be alone, or it can be an activity for which we feel a lot of passion. Whatever the case may be, our partner must respect this facet of us.
- Maintain privacy. Because it is one thing for our partner to have the doors of our hearts open and another very different thing for them to have the doors of our accounts on social networks, our email, or our telephone open. Many people consider that if there is trust and there is nothing to hide, the other will not mind if we take a look at her “stuff”. You probably have nothing to hide, but our access to “your stuff” is an invasion of your personal space, a violation of your privacy, and may feel like an attack on your individuality.
What are Not Healthy Relationships?
We can intuit this point based on what we have mentioned in the previous one. Unhealthy, toxic, or codependent relationships are based on power and control over the other. It is possible that at the beginning of the relationship, the traits of unhealthy couples may go unnoticed but little by little they appear more frequently and forcefully.
When the signs begin to appear there are several factors that we must take into account:
- People change when they want to change. We cannot force anyone to change their way of being if they are not the ones who decide to take the step and get down to work.
- Don’t forget yourself. At no time do you give up your needs to attend to those of the other? If you must work to satisfy them because your relationship is consuming your energy or time, you should consider ending the situation.
- Don’t forget about the others. When a relationship absorbs us, we tend to isolate ourselves from the people around us. It’s important to keep in touch with friends and family to make sure we have the emotional support we need.
- Think about the breakup. Healthy relationships should bring us security, serenity, happiness, and acceptance.
- When there is disrespect, possession, jealousy, shouting, humiliation, or any type of physical or verbal aggression, there is no love, there is a need for power, control, and abuse, and it is a priority and fundamental to think about our safety at all times.